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Amidst my moving, new car, and a slew of other miscellaneous tasks that decided to grace their presence upon me at the same time, I’m not sure how soon I’ll be able to update this blog.
Please stand by!
Tonight was a calm night for us. I was laying on the couch watching TV while my fiance went down the hall to switch out the laundry. I was crocheting and just drifting off into my own world. I was quickly interrupted….AAaaaAAAaaAAaaAAaaAAaaAAaaAAaaAA!!
The damn fire alarm was going off again. Great, some butt hole pulled the fire alarm or something. I walked to the door to grab my shoes and what’s when I smelledi t.
I popped the door open and saw smoke in the hallway.The doors had slammed shut so I couldn’t see down the hallway. My heart started to race at that moment. I smelled the smoke, and I didn’t know where my fiance was. i didn’t know where the smoke was coming from. Oh, my God!
I did what we had done with other ‘false alarms’: I grabbed my sweatshirt, grabbed my shoes, and grabbed our emergency duffle bag.
I still didn’t know where he was, and smoke was billowing into the hallway from the apartment across from us.
Oh, my God!
In less than 30 seconds, after laying peacefully on the couch not expecting my life to change one bit, I had adrenaline pumping into all of my veins. Never mind all the stuff we had in our apartment, although I was scared of it all burning up. The only thing I focused on was on my fiance.
I started grabbing his coat and shoes, hoping I would run into him outside.
And that’s when he ran through the door.
I wanted to stop and hug him, but I focused on getting us out of there.
“The neighbors burnt their food again,” he told me.
This is a normal thing, but the panic didn’t go away. He seized the four important items in the apartment (3 old childhood stuffed animals and my baby blanket), I threw the emergency duffle bag over my shoulder and we took off.
We choked on the smoke of burnt Asian food the whole way down. As soon as we got through the door, all I wanted to do was cry and hug him. There were small children out on the sidewalk, so I didn’t want to cry in front of them and make them worry.
I am feeling so much right now. I am pissed at our damn neighbors for being so neglegant. I’m upset that the firemen checked out their apartment and stated there was ‘no immediate risk’, and I’m still feeling the panic as i am still working the adrenaline out of my system.
We’re back to ‘calm’ in the apartment. We only have one dim light on, and the news is drowning on in the background. I am very thankful that our situation was nothing more than a false alarm, but I cannot imagine the emotions for anyone who runs out of the apartment and it’s not a false alarm…
Lately, I’ve been pondering my decision to seek a higher education and obtain my bachelor’s degree. I’ve heard so many people say that it has replaced the high school diploma for job applications and it puts you in high demand. However, right after college I began seeking careers that would best utilize my degree. Bare in mind, while in college I participated in many different groups in organizations to obtain the experience in the editing field. I was told that this would count as experience on my resume and it would make me even more desirable among employers.
I can’t even count how many rejection letters I got back that explained to me how I needed more experience before they would consider me. I remember one rejection letter came back to me 15 minutes after submitting my application. That was a huge blow to the ego. And now, it’s been so many years since I had that writing experience that I may have to start at square one to find a career like that. And I don’t even know if I want a ‘career’… I think I just want a life and a paycheck.
Ok, well maybe I screwed myself over by not getting an internship, or by moving around, or by settling for the first job that came at me. In my defense, my student loan bills came at me at full force. Not to mention car payments, daily expenses, insurance, and eventually rent. Because of this, and because of rejection after rejection from employers, I was forced to move back home with my parents and work at McDonalds. I’m not going to sit around and let my bills go unpaid. That’s irresponsible…
And I was in constant search of independence. Why would a successful person be living with their parents?
I continued down this path, trying to find the right job. I was also on the hunt for the perfect car and in hot pursuit of the most luxurious home. I also began to be a ‘thing hoarder’… This is a horrible trait in which I had to buy anything and everything, and hang on to it. I went into stores and came out with all sorts of decorative items that I thought would look good in my new place once I moved out! Stuff is what showed people how successful you are, right?
Anyways, here I am three years after graduation. I’ve got a decent paying job, a college degree that I’m only using in my spare time, and roughly $20,000 worth of debt. I’m VERY thankful for the job that I have and wouldn’t give it up. I’m simply starting to question the decisions I made in my past leading up to my life at this point.
Did I really only go to college because I was told that was the way to be successful?
Honestly, I don’t believe a Bachelor degree or a college education is the true and only definition of success. I have a handful of friends and acquaintances that either forwent college or dropped out. According to what I was told in high school (back in 2006) they should have been the ones struggling to make ends meet. However, if you think about it, they don’t start out their adult working lives with an insurmountable amount of debt. That makes kick-starting adulthood a whole lot easier. Most of them have been established in their jobs long enough to be promoted, have started families, and bought homes. Kudos to them! And yet, here I am still trying to make sense of my life.
That silly little housing crisis in 2008 probably didn’t help matters either, but that was completely out of my control.
Right now, we’re living in an area where the cost of living is ridiculously high, but it’s about the only place where we can get higher-paying jobs. We are still hunting for cheaper living, but it’s not easy. And moving into any Section 8 apartments is a death wish here.
There are almost no luxuries in our home, and yet it feels like we’re still struggling to conquer debt.
- We have Internet, but we do not have cable (FYI, Comcast is charging us $70/month for JUST THE INTERNET and I am still fighting with them to lower the cost)
- We do not go out to eat more than twice a month
- We do not go out to clubs/bars/etc
- We do not get professional haircuts more than a few times a year
- I do not get my nails professionally done
- We rarely shop for anything other than groceries
- We do not have expensive hobbies like skiing
- We do not have a gym membership
- We do no-contract phones to avoid ridiculus monthly costs
- We coupon our brains out for groceries
- We have shut off circuit breakers in our apartment to cut electricity costs
- We have been a 1-car household for 5 1/2 months to try and make ends meet
- We are selling stuff on Craigslist to earn extra money
- We are picking up second jobs to keep up on the bills
- We stopped using credit cards
- We moved our bed into the living room and turned off/unplugged all electricity to the bedroom
- We rarely turn the heat on in the winter, and if we do it’s for no more than a few hours
And all we want out of life?
- To be debt free
- Get married
- Build our home
- Start a homestead
- Raise a family
I don’t anticipate much of a reaction to this post. I mostly expect people to come back at me with statements about my wrong decisions:
- You should have gone to graduate school!! And go further into debt and spend the rest of my life playing catch-up?
- You picked the wrong career path!! Maybe you’re right.
- You should have taken your job hunt more serious!! All the phone calls and all the emails in the world couldn’t have made a difference. If an employer doesn’t want you, they don’t want you.
- There are people without degrees suffering more than you!! I will not disagree with you.
- Everybody goes through this!! Then why do we feel like such a minority?
Whatever. I think it’s pretty sad that there is a society where people work hard to make all the right decisions and still be kicked in the face.
Tomorrow is the big day for me. After many years of pain, all four of my wisdom teeth will be surgically removed!
Of course, being a girl who worries about everything, this whole ordeal won’t be easy.
Also, I am like a Rubik’s Cube when it comes to figuring out why anything bothers me. With that said, here is a small list of why I find this whole ordeal frightening.
…Ok, maybe not the whole ordeal. My biggest fear lies with going under…AAAHH!!!
When I was in first grade, I broke my arm falling off a swing. I know, I’m awesome right? I had completely split the bone at my wrist. I remember sitting around the Emergency Room, not really paying attention to my arm. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, or they might have been distracting me for all I know.
Anyways, they finally wheeled me away from my family. Next thing I know, they stick a mask on my face and tell me to breathe. I tried to ask what it was, but I only remember them telling me to breathe. I started to panic, and they just held the mask on my face tighter until I fell asleep.
I still get the heebie jeebies when I remember that.
You are required to fast before going under this crap, mainly because it can make you sick. It makes me want to fast all day today!!!
I am so scared to wake up and not understand where I am and what just happened. James told me over and over that he was completely aware of where he was, but he was ‘up in the clouds’. This creeps me out.
Will I Stop Breathing?
I keep imagining how it will all play out. I will go into the room, they’ll have me lay down, they hook me up to the monitors, they put the tube around my nose, I simply relax and keep breathing, eventually I start to drift away…
This is where I panic and stop the visualization. I have NO idea why, but I imagine it’s because I’m afraid of my breath stopping.
I think that’s about it for my fears about this whole stupid thing. I can’t wait until it’s all over with!!
If you read that as Farnsworth from Futurama, you earned $10…virtual bucks anyway 😛
Anyways, on to the good news: